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Where the grouches
come to grouse.
Archives:
The Archives
Tiki:
Donovan's Reef
eBay
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Rusty Zipper
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Modernism:
Angela Adams
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Jens Jensen
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LA Modern Auctions
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Herman Miller Furniture
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Useful Things
Drink:
Belikin Beer (Belize)
Berghoff (Chi)
Billy Goat Tavern (Chi)
Green Mill (Chi)
Duda's (B-more)
Hinano Beer (Tahiti)
Jack Daniel's Distillery (Tenn)
Tom Bergin's (LA)
Webtender
Vigorous Life:
Cap'n Dave
Field & Stream
Partypoopers
PATC
Real-time Streamflow
Bully!
Miscellaneous:
Heather Havrilesky
Instapundit
James Lileks
700,000,000
Page Six
Alan Shepard
Sam Snead
Wayback Machine
Rounds Owed:
Andrew, 0
Hal, 0
Jim, 0
Lee, 0
Liz, 1*
Thomas, 1
Rounds Paid:
Andrew, 7*
Hal, 2
Jim, 3*
Lee, 4*
includes 1 Bond Special
Liz, 1
Thomas, 0
*includes one Skinner Special for the unfortunate Lost Weekend oversight
E-mail:
kahuna -at- crankyranch -dot- com
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Wednesday, May 29, 2002
The Next Round is on You
I suspect a deep, subconscious motivation behind Mr. Lerner’s instituting of a variety of mostly unenforceable draconian laws and units of measure is to further differentiate life on the Cranky Ranch with life on a Commune (for the benefit of Ranch detractors who may or may not share his apartment and bank account.) However, Beer as Currency simply will not work.
Misters Stanek and Skinner have extensively hammered home the point that beer value differs wildly depending on a number of factors, including but not restricted to temperature, beer-in-stock ratio, and level of intoxication of the potential imbiber. Assigning a value system is simply too complex a task (furthermore, a man who would list Sam Adams on a par with either Guinness or Bass is obviously a man who does all his beer shopping at 7-11 and has no business designing such a system. Mr. Lerner, please to go a liquor store, pick up a six pack of Spaten Optimator and send five to 1090 Vermont Ave. NW Sixth Floor for review.)
I do, however, have an issue with the “beer is beer” statement put forth by Mr. Stanek. Will there be times when plentiful bad beer is to be valued over scarce good beer? Of course. Does that mean it is sometimes a good idea to buy bad beer? No, no, it doesn’t. This is where Wilmorean political and moral philosophy comes into play. Mr. Lerner has already pointed out in the past that Wilmorism requires personal sacrifice that exceeds the resources saved. For example: let’s say everyone goes out and gets themselves some beer, and Mr. Hazlett comes back with a case of Peil’s. Mr. Hazlett is roundly mocked by the group (this time, because of the beer), but settles in and drinks unmolested, since no one is interested in sharing. In a couple hours, the folks who bought higher quality beer in smaller quantities cozy up to Andrew, who merely laughs what he thinks is the last laugh. But Andrew’s been drinking Peil’s all night; as a result he feels bloated, slightly nauseaous, and he must shortly excuse himself to the men’s room. There, a mob hopped up on Harp and Sierra Nevada jump him, give him repeated swirlies, and proceed to hijack the remainder of his crappy beer. Everyone wakes the next day with the kind of splitting headache only caused by the chemicals used in overprocessed malt beverages. As you see, buying bad beer simply benefits no one.
But I digress. Returning to the original topic, I submit that if we must choose one, there can be only one unit of currency: the Round. If alcohol type is not specified, it is at the discretion of the person fined to make a wise choice. Poor choices will only result in additional fines.
posted by Henry Basenji at 5/29/2002 05:18:00 PM
Tuesday, May 28, 2002
Until Further Notice, It's Andrew's Fault
I suppose it's Hal's narcolepsy at the wheel that caused the interruption in the Cranky Server ®, but for the sake of simplicity we'll say it was Andrew's fault, due to the fact that he sleeps about 500 yards away from the server and was still powerless to help. Powerless! Andrew must prove his worth. Here is a list of alleged 10 Great American Beers. Andrew, please pick them up and drop them off for review (1090 Vermont Ave. NW, 6th Floor) on your way home from work.
Please, enough with the Cubs. Haven't you noticed the Red Sox still have the best record in baseball? (Until they don't, and that will probably also be Andrew's fault.)
posted by Henry Basenji at 5/28/2002 04:50:00 PM
Wednesday, May 22, 2002
Blogger says:
Tuesday, May 21, 2002
We had a glitch on the Blog*Spot server this morning. We're repairing it now, but, in the meanwhile, if any of your pages are not there, just republish.
posted by Andrew Hazlett at 5/22/2002 08:06:00 AM
Tuesday, May 21, 2002
Just Curious
I was wondering if the Professor could share with us (those who spend less than three hours a day on public transit) the most effective uses of time on the MARC train. I will be travelling a bit this summer and want to make my commuting time work for me.
posted by Henry Basenji at 5/21/2002 02:20:00 PM
Wednesday, May 15, 2002
On Crankiness
Cranky: Having a bad disposition; peevish. Having eccentric ways; odd. Full of bends and turns; crooked: a cranky mountain road. Working unpredictably; erratic: a cranky old truck. Rickety; loose. Full of spirit; crank. Addicted to crotchets and whims; unreasonable in opinions; crotchety. Unsteady; easy to upset; crank. easily irritated or annoyed; "an incorrigibly fractious young man"; "not the least nettlesome of his countrymen" (syn: fractious, irritable, nettlesome, peevish, peckish, pettish, petulant, testy, tetchy, techy)
Much, much more to come...
posted by Andrew Hazlett at 5/15/2002 10:15:00 PM
Wednesday, May 08, 2002
Cranky Pets & Moving Words
Mr. Stanek's imagining of the Cranky Palms is quite wonderful but possibly a bit utopian... I think the male/female ratio is perhaps a bit closer to reality in an alternative vision. (Perhaps one could argue that the alternate vision is even more utopian, in that it chooses a monkey butler instead of a cat as the pet of choice, but after all I ask you: who wants a cat on their ranch?)
I would also like to thank Andrew for sending along such uplifting poetry. I don't think I've been so deeply moved since he sent along the art developed by Mr. Viswanathan in his prison creative writing class. I suggest you send this link along to Sibley so he can get moving on an alumni issue of Araby.
posted by Henry Basenji at 5/08/2002 10:04:00 PM
No Comment
Rem Koolhaas has designed a suitably, lamely bureaucratic-looking new flag for the European Union.
Someone with a very familiar name has published two poems in the conservative New Criterion (scroll down slowly past the article by Robert Bork, yes the Robert Bork, to New Poems)
posted by Andrew Hazlett at 5/08/2002 02:35:00 PM
Tuesday, May 07, 2002
Don't Leave Us Hanging, Mystery Poster!!!
Obviously someone has a scathing criticism of Herr Lerner's postings to share, but has omitted some crucial information, much like sending one's wedding invitations out without including the time of the ceremony.
I have a possible explanation for any deviation from the original planned weblog topics (except, unfortunately, for the reporting on the Cubs):
 THE MAN HAS GONE INSANE.
This is the man who once said that his life would be complete if he could say that he truly, completely pissed off at least one person in the world. You get married, you bring home a puppy, you get all the good leads and win a set of steak knives: this could happen to you. Your crankiness is in jeopardy! Be alert to the signs!
posted by Henry Basenji at 5/07/2002 11:01:00 PM
Sunday, May 05, 2002
Memento Mori
Yesterday, I saw a great documentary at the Maryland Film Festival. My neighbor Charles Cohen put together a film on the destruction of Baltimore's legendary Memorial Stadium. Lee, of course, will go apeshit over the baseball nostalgia aspect of the movie, but the rest of you might enjoy it as well. This is the synopsis.
Most if not all of the movie will be downloadable at their site in the coming weeks. Here are highlights. The whole thing was done on a Mac.
posted by Andrew Hazlett at 5/05/2002 05:10:00 PM
Friday, May 03, 2002
Improving Infrastructure
Is there an easy way to post graphics to crankyranch.com? I figured out how to add some links. Let me know what you guys think of the additions.
posted by Andrew Hazlett at 5/03/2002 04:04:00 PM
Wednesday, May 01, 2002
Mythic Places
Perhaps we can all start tying bows to weave into Ernie's hair... anyway, in the next couple of days I will post the major work I've been completing on the Cranky Ranch and its franchises.
I am glad to see Jim's contribution of comments and photos related to the Salton Sea. Didn't the influential 60s horror film Carnival of Souls use the abandoned resorts there as a location? It's also the title of a new arty film.
Also, of particular interest to connoiseurs of absurd racist conspiracy theories, the Salton Sea is a sacred site for the Chicano equivalent of Afrocentrists. Apparently, some argue that the mythic Aztec homeland of Azltan (a cross between Eden and Atlantis) lies near or under the Salton Sea. One to grow on.
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