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Where the grouches
come to grouse.
Archives:
The Archives
Tiki:
Donovan's Reef
eBay
Munktiki
Outre Gallery
Reyn's Aloha Shirts
Rusty Zipper
Roadside Tiki
Shag
Tahiti
Tiki Bar Reviews
Tiki News
Tiki Trader
Modernism:
Angela Adams
Design Within Reach
Go Mod
Highbrow Furniture
Jens Jensen
Jet Set
Krypton
LA Modern Auctions
Lever House
Herman Miller Furniture
Isamu Noguchi
R20th Century Design
Reference Books
Retro Modern
Useful Things
Drink:
Belikin Beer (Belize)
Berghoff (Chi)
Billy Goat Tavern (Chi)
Green Mill (Chi)
Duda's (B-more)
Hinano Beer (Tahiti)
Jack Daniel's Distillery (Tenn)
Tom Bergin's (LA)
Webtender
Vigorous Life:
Cap'n Dave
Field & Stream
Partypoopers
PATC
Real-time Streamflow
Bully!
Miscellaneous:
Heather Havrilesky
Instapundit
James Lileks
700,000,000
Page Six
Alan Shepard
Sam Snead
Wayback Machine
Rounds Owed:
Andrew, 0
Hal, 0
Jim, 0
Lee, 0
Liz, 1*
Thomas, 1
Rounds Paid:
Andrew, 7*
Hal, 2
Jim, 3*
Lee, 4*
includes 1 Bond Special
Liz, 1
Thomas, 0
*includes one Skinner Special for the unfortunate Lost Weekend oversight
E-mail:
kahuna -at- crankyranch -dot- com
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Wednesday, August 28, 2002
So Where is He?
Has Mr. Xmas registered as participant at this site yet? Is there any support for the idea of fining him one round just for the hell of it?
I am eager to hear more from Jim's Palm Springs recon mission. The shooting range and airplane museum (especially if it features flying condition vintage machines) sound very exciting. Is this mountain tram thing near our base of operations in Palm Springs?
In the meantime, here's an interesting on-line source of fresh oranges.
posted by Andrew Hazlett at 8/28/2002 08:58:00 PM
Monday, August 26, 2002
You have the Right to Remain a Bonehead
A series of unforgivable blunders has come to light today, when it was belatedly realized that Dr. Skinner had been accidentally left off the Lost Weekend distribution list, and because of the belatedness of notification, he will be unable to join us in Palm Springs. A chat with the good doctor today included Wilmoric calls for vengeance and oblique threats centered around "spooking the horse". Although I assured him he could turn in his grant application in two days early and blow off his sister-in-law's birthday to join us, he was unmoved. In reparation, everyone but Hal is fined one round, and Andrew will be thrown in the pool on Hal's behalf. I will be bringing along a camcorder to provide proof of the latter reparation. Also note that none of these particular rounds are redeemable unless Hal is present.
posted by Henry Basenji at 8/26/2002 04:25:00 PM
Out of My Chair, Meathead
I saw the Russel Wright exhibit a couple weeks ago when I was in New York for a day trip (didn't see Burke or Sibley, though. Oddly enough, I didn't even think of calling them.) There's some nice stuff in it (including a hilarious home movie of the Wright's apartment), and I thought the exhibit was designed and executed extremely well (much better than the lame "skin" thing downstairs). However, the thing that most struck me about his New York house was the complete absence of comfortable seating. In all of the photos on display (and there was a whole slideshow of them) the only seating in evidence was in the dining room, four of those uncomfortable plastic molded chairs...you know the kind I mean, ubiquitous throughout the 60's and 70's, and about as inviting to sit on as a bed of nails. This is what happens when people come in to photograph your architechture, they remove all signs of human life. I'm left wondering how Wright actually lived...he certainly had a lot of guidelines for living.
posted by Henry Basenji at 8/26/2002 01:14:00 PM
Thursday, August 22, 2002
Samba!
I was initially put off by the tone of Liz's post about Pink Martini--where's the Lerneresque belligerence? the bickering pointlessness? However, I followed the links to the band's music. It's great! I especially liked their version of "Brazil".
posted by Andrew Hazlett at 8/22/2002 08:49:00 PM
This is the City
"Atwinkle on a sultry night, Georgia Avenue's liquor store signs, many of them left over from the mid-20th century, hint at the former glory of the thoroughfare. In a way they're all that's left for anyone keeping an eye open for a Washington that no longer is. Fittingly, not every letter is lit. Some are burned out entirely and perhaps forever (though the stores endure), and so it is l-quo-, l---or, li----, and that says as much about Washington as anything else. Others buzz and glow with an indication of where the street went wrong. Georgia drinks too much."
DC doesn't have the impressive neon glow of New York, where there's more of everything, or Chicago, where everything is 60 times bigger than necessary, but there are still some hot spots one can visit if one sports a black belt and a kevlar leisure suit. Let's take a moment and celebrate the glory of neon.
posted by Henry Basenji at 8/22/2002 10:37:00 AM
Today on the MP3 Player
I would recommend the salsa-lounge-chanson stylings of Pink Flamingo which can be purchased at Amazon, or you can sign up for Grokster like I did and download them from one of your faceless Internet friends.
posted by Henry Basenji at 8/22/2002 10:29:00 AM
Wednesday, August 21, 2002
Would you like some cheese to go with your whine?
Can someone maybe send some Smog from LA or Beans from Boston to displace the Ill Wind from Chicago?
If I were to inflict on a "curve", as Herr Lerner seems to think I should, then Geetanjali would soon be bankrupted under the weight of Andrew's bar bills. According to the blog, it took Andrew 3 months and 10 days to deliver the mission statement. Granted, that's a while but it got done and if you wanted speed you asked the wrong guy. If you can figure out a way to force Andrew to write on command maybe you should pass it along to his publisher. As to the "comments" controversy, obviously that's kind of stupid considering the site's traffic and purpose, but quite frankly I don't really have any strong opinions on how the blog should be set up, so why would I Inflict based on someone else's ire? That's really not what I'm all about. If the mob wants to Inflict, have at it, but on this issue I personally could care less.
When Hal does something more questionable than to allow Alex to convert the server into a makeshift birdhouse for days at a time or blather on about Canada, then he will pay the price. On second thought, that server thing was pretty annoying and it's happened more than once. Hal owes a round. Although, you could make the argument that this round was already paid by his wedding.
As for Jim, I suppose he could be fined for long silence as he sits back and re-cultivates his mullet, but what if he's actually busy out drinking? Wouldn't it be against CR principles to penalize for this? We need to know for sure. We do have to ask though,
What makes a man to wander?
What makes a man to roam?
What makes a man to leave bed and board and turn his back from home?
posted by Henry Basenji at 8/21/2002 03:07:00 PM
Tuesday, August 20, 2002
*Ahem*
hmph. ummmhh. urrrr...
posted by Andrew Hazlett at 8/20/2002 08:04:00 PM
Mas Cervesas
Oh yes, "wah wah, I'm an amateur." Dr. Skinner seems to manipulate web imagery with little difficulty and I don't believe that it is a skill required of an epidemiologist. If by "amateur" you mean someone who tries hide his own ineptitude by taking shelter behind Andrew's ineptitude, then yes indeed, all amateurs will be fined without pity. It's interesting you would believe that the Professor's "arguments" had impact on any decision making processes. Like most people, I tend to drift off after the third or fourth "uhhmm..." which makes any "argument" lose its impact. No my friend, this fine was levied on the basis of your merits alone.
In answer to Hal's question, I decline all responsibility for deciding order of round payment. I submit that it should be decided by a combination of mob rule and petty in-fighting.
And Jim is probably in Tennessee celebrating the anniversary of the King being found on the throne.
posted by Henry Basenji at 8/20/2002 05:11:00 PM
Monday, August 19, 2002
Toys in the Attic
Why would one spend outrageous money for mid-century furniture on the Internet when one can construct one's own with some raw materials, a few basic tools, and this easy to use guide?
This book, along with innumerable other unspeakable items, was recently unearthed when cleaning out my Dad's (Stephen B. Martin '54) attic. It originally belonged to my paternal grandfather, Eldon H. Martin '17. A less handy man probably never lived. To my knowledge, none of these projects were ever undertaken.
However, I'll rectify that the second I have my own garage, and I'll be skipping directly to Project 18. Unless I decide to take on those swank end tables first.
These projects are supposed to be so easy, even Charlie Weaver could do them. You might remember Charlie Weaver from the Hollywood Squares. Apparently, he was on a proto-This-Old-House as well. You get the impression from these photos that Charlie Weaver was famous for unclear reasons, a family tradition that lives on in grandson David Arquette.
Oh yeah, and bite this, Lerner: if you haven't, after several months, mastered the scanner and the basic concepts of web graphics, you can just belly up to the bar and don't come back without a trayload of drinks. While you're there, ask the bartender to explain the concept of "dots per inch". If these words are still foreign to you there's this guy Jeeves you can just ask about them. You can't deflect attention from your crimes against bandwidth by pointing fingers at Andrew. We are all painfully aware of Andrew's shortcomings without this transparent ruse. Andrew's trangressions will be revisited at length at a later date, as he is repeatedly thrown into the pool.
posted by Henry Basenji at 8/19/2002 09:49:00 PM
Sunday, August 18, 2002
Mid-Century Modern Market Explodes!!
"Furniture from the 1950s is enjoying a revival as sitcom reruns and movies add luster to period decor, especially when rising values promise better returns than the stock market." More here
posted by Andrew Hazlett at 8/18/2002 08:28:00 PM
Jeez Lew-eeze
Boy. Lee certainly can't take what he dishes out. I "restored" Lee's post as best I could--I was faithful in tone and broad themes. And I suggested a "comments" feature not for the masses, but for Crankonians. In a gesture of appeasement, even though it will surely have no impact on Lee's caterwalling (sp?), I volunteer to incur an unearned penalty of 2 rounds.
On another note, here is one of the best features of my neighborhood.
posted by Andrew Hazlett at 8/18/2002 08:18:00 PM
Friday, August 16, 2002
Attn: Inflictor
Please assess a very steep fine to the account of Lee Alan Lerner for choking the internet with massive images. This page now takes about 20 minutes to load on my home DSL connection.
posted by Andrew Hazlett at 8/16/2002 08:58:00 AM
Tuesday, August 13, 2002
Comments?
Some blogs have a "comments" feature that allows readers to respond directly to individual posts. I think this would be a fine thing to add to the Cranky Blog. Anyone have a clue how to do it?
posted by Andrew Hazlett at 8/13/2002 06:58:00 PM
Saturday, August 10, 2002
End of a Nightmare
America can breath a sigh of relief. One threat to our safety has been at last neutralized.
posted by Andrew Hazlett at 8/10/2002 01:57:00 PM
Wednesday, August 07, 2002
Confusion
I can understand (at least some of) Liz's confusion about the role of "hunting" at the Ranch. Much of what I wrote should not be taken literally. For instance, the drunken waving around of loaded guns, always a feature of Ranch lore, shouldn't really happen. And I doubt that anyone will or should get all dolled up in camo on cold mornings to sit in the thickets for hours doing turkey calls. However, I do think that target and skeet shooting will and should happen. Furthermore, you have lost your wager Ms. Martin! I am always the one to take care of spiders at 822B Bond Street (I catch them and release them outside), so I think I have sufficient nerve to take on a bull elk or whatever cruel monster Mother Nature may throw at me.
On the other hand, Lee's opportunistic attempt to enlist Liz's "rage" for his Plantation campaign is duplicitous to say the least. Lee has always been yammering on about "The Hunt" and Teddy Roosevelt and whatnot. I think it's totally reasonable that fishing (a hobby that I find increasingly rewarding and pleasurable) become part of the Ranch milieu. In time, I hope to convince Lee, and any other skeptics, that angling has a place at the Cranky Ranch and perhaps in his own range of hobbies.
To Hal, I must say that however beguiling Cape Breton may appear, Lee is right to uphold the embargo against Canadia. Every dollar spent in that wretched country is skimmed by the oppressive and anti-American Ottowa regime. Each day of Hal and Whitney's honeymoon probably bought another tank that will be used to crush nascent freedom movements or smash through the U.S.'s unwary border.
I agree completely: "Inventing" must be a major official Ranch activity. I'm sure Jim will back us up here. And, needless to say, "Drunken Pontificating" imbues the very essence of the Cranky Ranch and all Cranky enterprises. Translated into Latin ( Pontificant Bacchus?) it could be the motto of the Cranky Empire.
posted by Andrew Hazlett at 8/07/2002 09:51:00 PM
Tuesday, August 06, 2002
I'll Give You Cranky
I go out of town for a week and absurdity flowers unchecked. You know it's summer in DC when Andrew has enough free time to do something other than suck up to anyone who might appoint him to something better someday. Am I the only one who finds absurdity in the concept that HUNTING should figure so prominently in the manifesto? What kind of Iron John nonsense is this? Step back into reality, my friends. Alleged fishing notwithstanding, I'm willing to wager that it's Geetanjali who's in change of killing all the spiders on Bond Street. Can you really imagine Jim Stanek or Lee Lerner sitting in a duck blind? Wouldn't all the wildlife be spooked by the drunken pontificating? If hunting is one of the foundation stones of the Ranch, Andrew, I think there's a better chance of seeing the Pony Farm founded first.
By the way Lerner, I was willing to put up with your Cubs diatribes to a certain degree, but if I hear anything more about the fucking Redskins you'l be joining Mr. Hazlett at the bottom of the pool.
posted by Henry Basenji at 8/06/2002 12:18:00 AM
Friday, August 02, 2002
Hal and Whitney's Leftovers
Speaking of the recent B-more wedding, Geetanjali and I returned the shameful quantity of leftover booze to the Pinehurst liquor store. Did they ever credit you Hal? If not, we made an inventory that can be used in future litigation.
As far as Lee's "answers" go, I think his arguments defending the near-future practicality of the Cranky Plantation are pretty weak. Since Lee has conceded my essential point ("getting the Plantation started is just a hair more difficult than getting the Ranch started"), I consider that debate won (for now). In my next post, I will turn to the moral arguments as to why the Ranch should precede the Plantation.
posted by Andrew Hazlett at 8/02/2002 11:09:00 AM
Thursday, August 01, 2002
Obvious Facts : Lee :: Oil : Water
How much does it cost to get to Rarotonga from, say, Chicago O'Hare? According to Yahoo! Travel, the lowest fare (with flexible travel dates sometime next Spring and many restrictions) is on Air New Zealand for $1398.00 per person for a coach seat. Labor, and human life, may be cheap in the Cook Islands, but what about construction materials and expertise? How much will it cost to build a "Plantation" on our little quarter-acre of paradise? What about shipping our Shag paintings, cocktail glasses, furniture, and pets to the far side of the world? Once the place is built, how often will we visit?
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