cranky ranch

Where the grouches
come to grouse.


Archives:


The Archives




Tiki:

Donovan's Reef
eBay
Munktiki
Outre Gallery
Reyn's Aloha Shirts
Rusty Zipper
Roadside Tiki
Shag
Tahiti
Tiki Bar Reviews
Tiki News
Tiki Trader

Modernism:

Angela Adams
Design Within Reach
Go Mod
Highbrow Furniture
Jens Jensen
Jet Set
Krypton
LA Modern Auctions
Lever House
Herman Miller Furniture
Isamu Noguchi
R20th Century Design
Reference Books
Retro Modern
Useful Things

Drink:

Belikin Beer (Belize)
Berghoff (Chi)
Billy Goat Tavern (Chi)
Green Mill (Chi)
Duda's (B-more)
Hinano Beer (Tahiti)
Jack Daniel's Distillery (Tenn)
Tom Bergin's (LA)
Webtender

Vigorous Life:

Cap'n Dave
Field & Stream
Partypoopers
PATC
Real-time Streamflow
Bully!

Miscellaneous:

Heather Havrilesky
Instapundit
James Lileks
700,000,000
Page Six
Alan Shepard
Sam Snead
Wayback Machine

Rounds Owed:

Andrew, 0
Hal, 0
Jim, 0
Lee, 0
Liz, 1*
Thomas, 1

Rounds Paid:

Andrew, 7*
Hal, 2
Jim, 3*
Lee, 4*
includes 1 Bond Special
Liz, 1
Thomas, 0

*includes one Skinner Special for the unfortunate Lost Weekend oversight




E-mail:

kahuna -at-
crankyranch -dot- com

Powered By Blogger TM



Friday, September 27, 2002

 

Wretched

Combined with the lingering odor of patchouli in the streets of Washington this morning, the fawning idiocy of the undergrads in this article made me dizzy with nausea.


posted by Andrew Hazlett at 9/27/2002 12:10:00 PM

 

we have decided to put the building in a lock-down status

So reads the memo I just recieved in my e-mail box from the building management. It seems that the IMF "protesters" have chosen to focus their baffling ire on my block. These morons have broken windows a couple doors down at Citibank and spraypainted "class war" on the window of the Bank of America downstairs. Class war indeed. I bet those ferret-loving hippies all went across the street to Starbucks for a break after the police threw tear gas at them. I guess "no more business as usual" means the owners of the predominantly small, immigrant-family businesses on our block won't have any customers today. Who knew Julia's Empanadas was run by "The Man"?

"Protesters" make me tired. And cranky.


posted by Henry Basenji at 9/27/2002 09:29:00 AM

Wednesday, September 25, 2002

 

Help Us Out with This One, Hal

This movie or this movie? You should order them to get a better feel.


posted by Henry Basenji at 9/25/2002 09:22:00 AM

Thursday, September 19, 2002

 

Where... Who... am I? Must... remember... details...

I seem to recall...

* Lee being chewed on by a inexplicably carnivorous Brontosaurus and then being spit-out with disgust...
* Hurtling down a mountainside in a runaway tram while Liz chants "Toro! Toro! Toro!"...
* CoCo directing Leif Garrett as he helps me put on a coconut bra...
* Watching Jim shoot-up with penicillin while he machine-guns noisy "dick-taters" as they demand more towels, booze, sleeping space, food, e-mail time, activities to consider, coffee, In-N-Out Burgers, etc. ...
* Bobbing helplessly in an ocean of booze dotted by paddling Tiki gods who command "Hazlett, finish your drink!" and throw nerf balls at my head...
* Kate and Mike force-feeding me thousands of burritos while a Mexican woman laughs at me maniacally...
* Diana holding my head under water in the pool, and, as I drown, saying cheerfully, "see you in Hell, little brother"...
* And, the ghost of Hal Skinner pointing an accusatory finger as I try, unsuccessfully, to wash my hands of the sticky residue of a "Missionary's Downfall"...

In short, I'm beginning to recover from the Lost Weekend. Before these already fuzzy memories recede into the mists of time, I'd like to thank Lee and Jim for organizing the whole thing and Liz and CoCo for journeying across the continent and Diana for abandoning her family and husband. Kate & Mike deserve special mention as well, as does Col. Mike "Moron, go!" De Paulo.

As I get back to handling humanities emergencies, I look forward to seeing you all again soon... very soon.

P.S., I can't choose between "Rear Window" and "North by Northwest." This argument rends my heart.


posted by Andrew Hazlett at 9/19/2002 09:54:00 AM

Tuesday, September 17, 2002

 

Land of the Lost Weekend

The Clap Can Save Your Life!


posted by Henry Basenji at 9/17/2002 09:57:00 AM

Wednesday, September 11, 2002

 

Paper or Plastic?

In regard to your Hitchcock question, you might just as well ask your mom whether you or your sister turned out better. But in the interest of semi-lively debate, I'll respond, although I'll confess that it pains me on some level to do so. You see, for many years I listed Rear Window to in my top five favorite movies. It's still high on the list, but over the years has taken a backseat to a number of others...including North By Northwest. There are a number of reasons why I would consider the latter to be a superior movie.

1. Rear Window was basically a gimmick movie. A great gimmick movie mind you, a gimmick that served the story to a T, but a gimmick none the less. And in terms of a gimmick I'd say it's better than Rope but still not quite as good as Lifeboat (but that might have more to do with Tallulah Bankhead.) North By Northwest is a road movie, and as a former American Studies major (shut up, all of you) I will always be favorably inclined towards the American open road.

2. Better bad guys. Yeah, Raymond Burr was creepy and all, with his smoking in the dark and fake white hair, and he did kill Mr. Drucker's cute little dog, but c'mon, he's Perry Fucking Mason. Not only does N/NW have the incomparably oily James Mason, but a tour-de-force bad guy turn by Martin Landau. This movie also had mute, evil henchman. Rear Window had a sad little man being persecuted by a guy in a wheechair who didn't even have the guts to stand up to Thelma Ritter.

3. Eva Marie Saint. Hands down, the best Hitchcock blonde. (I'll entertain arguments on this one, but I doubt I'll agree.)

4. Cary Grant's scumbag Madison Avenue divorcee is actually a more identifiable everyman than Jimmy Stewart's aging-photo-journalist-with-society-girlfriend.

5. I've got nothing but love for Jimmy Stewart but I'll always like Cary Grant more.

6. Cary Grant is arrested for drunk driving by a cop named Emile and is only fined $3.

7. That flashbulb special effect in Rear Window is just awful.

Anyone else have anything to add?

By the way Andrew, you can always instruct Amazon to deliver to The Pad. I think it might have an address.


posted by Henry Basenji at 9/11/2002 12:00:00 AM

Tuesday, September 10, 2002

 

Beachbum Berry's Grog Log

Any of you guys heard of this cocktail recipe book? From the publisher's description:

As John Glenn was orbiting the earth
for the first time, his fellow Americans
were deep into the long-lived craze
known as tiki. This gaudy life-style
package -- a blend of Polynesian kitsch,
fake island food and lethal rum drinks --
began in the late 1930's and early 40's
with Los Angeles restaurants like Don the
Beachcomber and Trader Vic's, and
gradually spread to the suburban patio
before fizzling out in the early 1970's.
It's back, of course. Jeff Berry and Annene
Kaye, serious students of tiki, have
compiled a serious tiki cocktail book,
"Beachbum Berry's Grog Log."

I was thinking of ordering it rush delivery from Amazon, but I doubt it would arrive in time for the Lost Weekend.




posted by Andrew Hazlett at 9/10/2002 02:51:00 PM